Jessica's guide on how to kill history
by ILoveBooks0112
Summary: Jessica and her side kick Catzi are sent back in time and things start to change about the furcher.
1. Getting all friendly with mister draco

Me and my trust sidekick (literal she a side kicker if you piss her off) where just happing to run away from home. Our first night out we fell a sleep under the night sky.

"Jess wake up!" I felt Sam poke my side. "No! Unless I must I wont get up."

"Umm you do….THERE IS A DRGAON OVER US!" At this point my mind splitting in two and my glaring evilly at my evil Koran/Irish friend… and then I looked up and saw that there was really a dragon over looking us. I grabbed my stuff and we ran like the real pansy we are. I (of cores I'm the one close to a blonde there is.) ran right smack into the dragon's paw and I whimpered as I looked up.

"Please don't eat us Mr. Dragon mister. We are all chew and everything" I tried to sound innocent other then Sam's wide eyed look didn't help out that we wanted to live. I whimper and she was giddy school girl at the fact she was staring at a living breath dragon. Then I saw what he was looking at….all of our spell books and Wicca stuff laid out on the grown. Great we are going to become roast chick for him. I whimper and then Sam let out that manically laugh of hers that sometimes scares me to the point I think she is loonier then me.

"Eat a lady? No I'm Draco; I have lost my friend Bowen." Said the dragon at which point Sam smirk evilly "hold on one little second." And pulled me to where he might not hear. "Draco…Bowen…sounds like dragon heart. Don't you remember" I though and then nodded and looked up and a rush of smoke came over us and I hear Mr. I don't eat ladies but I like blowing smoke all over them was laughing so I did the next smart thing someone like me would do I walked right up to him and poked him in the nose. I think it shocked him for he drew his head back and I smirked and waved at him like I was crazy (which by the way I am). He then smirks…or at least I think it was smirking.

"And what would your names be my new friends?" Draco asked as I picked up my book and supplies for living on the run.

"I am Samantha…they call me Lady Catzi and that crazy bitch is Jessica they call her Lady Angel." Sam said pointing at me. I just waved and went about my merry way. He bent down and drew Sam in… and spoke all hush like (or as hush like a dragon can be for I could still HEAR HIM) "Is her brain all there?" Sam laughed of course because for the sheer fact anything who knew me more then a few minutes could tell you that (the answer lady and germs NO) She just nodded. I glared at them, and then I remembered something.

"I am hungry. Got anything to eat? My fine scaly male." I threw on pack on my back and smirked. "I'm sure we can find Bowen and he can cook for u." I nodded and did the next smart move of my life I crawled on to his back and helped Sam up. Which she leaned over and smiled "This is going to get good for the fact Bowen will see our books and flipped" I shrugged "Wouldn't be the first one to do that to us."


	2. scaring mister knight and draco more

I was humming some random tune which Sam is used to by now but not poor Draco…ok so I was kicking in my heels he wasn't going to bite me. At least I hope not. We sat down a few hours later after me and Sam did the whole "IAM QUEEN OF THE WORLD" bit. Draco sat us down and I ran off to the fire with Sam where this very stern I don't want to be here guy was sitting by and I was all perky and went "Hiya!" and he jumped and fell off the log which me and Sam asked you ok and once he said yea we both laughed. Draco walked over and smiled (or whatever a dragon does for a smile).

"Bowen meet Lady Catzi and Lady Angel" he help out his huge paw which I poked for the fun of it. And Bowen looked like he was going to die for the pack I pulled out my Wicca book and started to read near a tree and Sam just crossed her arm.

"So Bowen got any food?" She was looking around like my actions didn't scare her one bit.

"Yes for me and Draco but none for you." He said eyeing Draco who had picked me up and I kept reading like being picked up by a dragon was nothing. For one fact about my craziness don't try to get me to stop reading. And he put me down next to the fire which I never looked up once from my book.

"Are you ladies witches?" Draco asked while curling up to chow on some raw meat. Sam just nodded yet again being her all silent I am to cool to talk self. I looked up and smirked.

"Yea and I am hungry so if I don't get food you might lose your happy places." This at this point Sam kicked me in my side (hint the sidekick part in my early random talking), I glared at her and just stuck out my tongue.

"Bowen it might be nice to have some well fun from these two and they are lost. I mean look at them (at this point in time me and Sam smile our best we are cute and innocent if you don't fuck with us smiles)" Draco liked my craziness and Sam though of control over me.

"Yes true BUT THEY ARE WITCHES AND WITCHES ARE KILLED" Bowen yelled and not so quite voices at that point I crawled over to Draco and hid be hide his horns, whimpering.

"Awww Bowen you made her cry" Sam said her which scarcest way. Mister I woke up with I hate witches in his pants just glared at Sam then Draco (who was letting me rub his stomach and make sure he was clean of any un wanted friends)

"Oh alright but any magic from you. Ill turns you in. I don't think I could stop her from doing any would I? Bowen asked as Sam smirked.

"Nope not unless you are single and she was in a good mood which at this point in time don't try she will hurt you." This was true to a point….oh well. I saw Bowen food and smirked and did my all Rusty Shackleford from king of the hill act to try to steal it and got smacked by Sam. This is normal. I whimpered and crawled back to Draco who pulled off pieces of meat for me. I stuck out my tongue at mister cranky pants and cooked it my self and ate and shared with Sam. I curled up with Draco while Sam and Bowen talked about the land they where at and why in the bloody hell (hey I just with Spike on this shit cooool) they are here. I fell a sleep and dreamt that I was….I was….I was….hmmm not quite sure I should share that with you oh all right I was getting laid by Harry Potter…. ( does the homer drooling section now and the happy dance)


	3. Metting a male crazier then me

In the morning….or at least I think it was morning Sam said it was so I believed her. We where on Draco's back heading somewhere. Bowen and Sam stopped in a tavern while I watched the dragon to make sure no one high jacked our car I mean dragon. While I explained to Draco about my other wired habits a very talk dark haired male walked up I only knew it was a him because he was NAKED. I walked up to him all cool yet nearly laughing.

"I am Jessica they call me Lady Angel and you are?" He looked at me up and down and saw that I was wearing my black Linkin Park shirt and baggy jeans. And he shook my hand and in a Irish voices (which I almost melted) "I'm Lupin. There is a good reason I'm walking around naked." He tried to cover him self and I got my backpack which was a bottomless pit. And pulled out boxers (what I like wearing them in my sleep), a tank top (XL I like big shirts just ask Sam) and jeans. "Here this might save you explaining why you are out here" He smiled and then Draco poked me in my shoulder and I looked up and Sam and Bowen where back and in my little crazy mind I yelled "I found him can I keep him?" Sam poked Bowen and he nodded "Yay a play mate!" I grabbed him and pulled him on to the back of our now running car I mean dragon. We flew for a while and they listened to me and Sam talk about random things which is normal. I kept watching Lupin and Sam kept watching Bowen (awwww). I couldn't help feeling that we where going to run into some of our other friends. If so Bowen is going to meet some people who have little to no control over me like he does.

We landed in a clear flied me and Lupin ran off to play tag (or a flirty version of it) leaving Sam and Bowen together….alone…and with Draco but he was a sleep.

"So why are you such dark skin Lady Catzi?" Bowen asked. I had just poked Lupin in the nose.

"I'm part Korean and part Irish. And Lady Angel over there is anything white." Sam smiled as me and Lupin got into a poking fight she knew I was going to win. I always win at this.

"Repeat that I don't know what to say about that" Bowen looked at her in a way Sam would kill him fro looking at her that way.

"It doesn't matter…" She got that look like she heard something. I stopped died as well and ran to her.

"I hear horse….a lot of them." I did my whole Gollum bit and ran up the side Draco hiding be hide his ear. And I was right as Sam joined me in MY hiding place. I nodded and pulled out of the bottomless pit bag two up to date of the time dressed and hissed softly I hated dress not to say Sam did to. Bowen pushed Lupin to hide with us.

"Hello Sir Author…" Bowen bowed and I crawled down to look at the really shinny man. I slipped and fell right in front of him and grinned and waves and did the next best thing RUN. I saw a horse stand on two my jaw dropped and the male slapped….ok if you know me hitting me and you are a male doesn't go to well. I started to mumble something like YOU FUCKIN ASSHOLE. The guy threw me to the ground and I jumped up and took fighting stand and he I think never saw a female who could fight.

"Ummm Lady Angel I wouldn't do that…" I heard Bowen say I turned and growled and Draco laid his head by Bowen and Sam told him to shut up when I am this mad.

"A) NO MALE AS THE RIGHT TO HIT ME! B) ITS TIME FOR YOU TO PAY FOR HITTING A LADY!" I did this poking this guy in the chest and he drew a sword and the other came out of hiding and I walked over.


	4. All love and war

As I was saying… I walked over to our bag and pulled out mine. And smirked will Sam slowly backed away from me. She had only seen me this pissed before and that was…not to long ago. And took my stand and he took his.

"Here are the rules we don't kill each other fair?" I smirked at him and he nodded.

"Of course I have never wench would could fight or sword fight" Mr. I am nothing more then a gay fagot said. At this point Sam started to back away and so did the others.

We both took the first move and the fighting when on like still till Mr. Asshole took off his amour and I found a weak spot he had already been in one fight where his side was badly wounded and I smiled. Time to be my smart ass self. I spined and cut his other side and he fell as I drug the sword across his stomach not cutting deep and I smiled as I put the sword at my side. He stared wide eyed and so did everyone else but Sam.

"Never hit another female again or else I'll come back and kill you for real." I said pulled out a cloth for my sword and its sheath and my cloak and I threw Sam hers. Lupin and Bowen walked up to me and Sam. Bowen pulled her aside.

"Why is she so angry that a male hit her?" Bowen looked scared.

Sam sighed as Lupin rubbed my back as I curled up on Draco's back and fell a sleep which I normal do when I am pissed. "Only a couple of months ago she lost her lover to her own cousin. And about three years ago a male really did hit her. She doesn't stand for it." Sam got on Draco's back with Lupin and Bowen joined her. We flew for a while. When we landed I saw something off in the distances that scared me shitless…it looked like two armies clashing and I can't stand war. I jumped off and started to run and stood in the middle of what looked like a blood bath. But worse of all it was Celts and English men…no boys that where wounded I ran back and got the bag and ran back with Sam at my tail.

"Sam take supplies of this time and maybe of our and try to save as many as you can!" I yelled out as I worked on a boy around my age. I remember different things I learned off MASH and what my family had taught me. I saw Nuns and local farm girls running around like I was trying to save these boys... as sun set we final stopped and cleared the field and burned the died.

I sat high up in a tree coved in blood from boys of my age and some looked younger and older. My cloak flying back in the wind. I tried to remember what time I was in. They didn't get along with each other as well as they do today time. Lupin climbed up and sat beside me he just watched me.

"Jess?" I turned my head to him, for the first time someone other then Sam was calling me my name. "Are you ok?" he had brought water and food and a cloth and cleaned my face. I cried in his arms.

"I have seen pictures like this where I'm from but seeing it for real scares me." I said looking at Sam and Bowen stand beside a fire off close to the edge of the flied on the other side. The next thing I knew was Lupin's hand on my chin and him pulling my lips to his. I about died…it had been a while seen a male had kissed me. Me and him went off and crawled up together with Draco to sleep. I think tomorrow I'll pay a visit to the Kings of these two nations.


End file.
